Bludgeoner’s World XI

This cricket season has been one of all sorts of motley cricketing concoctions.. right from the Rest of the World XI, to Asian XI, African XI and so on..

Adding to the flavor of the season, it present to you my own dream team.. one which would pulverize any bowling attack to smithereens.. and would break all scoring rate world records..

Here it is folks..

Virender Sehwag

Adam Gilchrist

Shahid Afridi

Kevin Peterson

Andrew Flintoff

Justin Kemp

Andrew Symonds

MS Dhoni

Brett Lee

Irfan Pathan

Shane Warne

Howz That ???

"Mooch" ado about nothing !!

I have been living in Hyderabad for the last 6 months.. Most of my commuting time on the over-crowded roads of the city is spent in gazing at monumental south indian movie hoardings, erected on all sides. While I was gazing at one such poster one day, a queer query struck me.

Why do almost all south indian heroes sport mustaches?? And why do none of the Bollywood heroes do so??

The only south India hero without a mustache I can recall is Madhawan (There might be a few others, but the overwhelming majority does have a mustache). While Anil Kapoor, Jackie Shroff, Raj Kapoor and Raj Kumar come to my mind as the only mustached hindi film stars. When Anil Kapoor had just joined Bollywood, someone had even told him, “A mustached man cannot become a Bollywood star!”

I wonder what could be the reason behind this hairy dichotomy??

All in a day's work....

A colleague of mine traveling in an auto to office.

Auto-walla- “Bhai saab, aap us IT company mein kaam karte ho?”

My colleague- “haan, kyon??”

“Saab, itna bada office, hazaaron log. Banate kya ho office ke andar??”

“Kuch nahi banate”

“To phir karte kya hain itne sare log din bhar??”

“Computer par kaam karte hain”

“Achcha, to aap log computer banate ho??”

“Nahi bhai, computer par kaam karte hain”

“Par karte kya ho uspar??”

“Coding.. I mean likhte hain computer par”

“To itne sare log kya din bhar sirf likhte hain?? Aur iske liye itna paisa milta hai unko?? Kash main bhi padha likha hota..”

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A Japanese colleague and me traveling back from office in an auto. The Japanese sees a slum in a distance and says “What are those??”

“Slums. Poor people live there”

“What?? I might be new here, but you cannot fool me. There is no way people can live amidst such filth.”

“You can go there and see for yourself if you want”

“Boy, you guys are really different!!”

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Me and a couple of colleagues sitting in the canteen.

Colleague No. 1- “Do you guys smoke??”

Me and Colleague No. 2- “No”

Colleague No. 1- “Do you guys drink??”

Me and Colleague No. 2- “No”

Colleague No. 1- “How do you guys stay alive??”

Colleague No. 2- “20 years from now, we will be the ones alive!!”

Agony Uncle !!

Reading and replying to Arbit Choudhury fan mails is as much part of my daily routine as reading the sports page of the newspaper is. While most of those mails just mention how they like (and in some cases, dislike) Arbit, every now and then, some rather unusual mails also land up in my mailbox.

Following is one of the most thought provoking mails that I have received about Arbit. So much so that Nikhil wants me to post it on my blog. --

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hello

this is xyz from abc company.

i came across ur mba mascot arbit choudhury.

though i am impressed with his wit, he left me confused.

i am thinking of doing mba after two years of work ex , it came as a surprise to know abt culture of a top b-school.

i would like u to brief me more about him n the ground reality of todays b-schools.

honestly expecting a reply from u.

regards

xyz

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Here is an excerpt from my reply to the person--

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arbit choudhury was created to have a peek into the lighter side of management.. as they say, the best surd jokes are cracked by surds themselves.. so, me and hemant, MBA students ourselves, were able to look into some humorous aspects of B-school education in greater depth.. although we mock the goings-on in the sphere of management, we do not want to demean the management or B-school fraternity.. an MBA from a top B-school can not only help u immensely in your career, but also make u more mature person.. much of the learning in a top b-school comes from outside the classroom, through interaction with batch mates and other extra curricular activities.. in short, in spite of its lacunae, MBA from a top b-school is definitely worth going for..

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And this is what Nikhil says on this issue--

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Cartoons and caricatures are a way of expressing ones desire for change in a humorous manner. Experts like RK Laxman was for long waged a war against corruption, nepotism and dirty politics through their cartoons. They are still doing it - but does this mean that India has not changed in the intervening years? No, changes take place and there is further scope for improvement. Similarly while it is true that MBA is filled with Jargon - there are conscious efforts on to simplify it. B-school education is a great boon, but like eveything else there are some gaps and some falacies. We are just trying to caricaturize these through our comic strip. Nevertheless there are many a positive aspects of B-school education which you will discover when you join a top 10 school.

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"Comedy is the last refuge of the nonconformist mind." -Gilbert Seldes

Forward Marketing

MastishK 2004 had just concluded. The enormous appreciation Arbit Choudhury- the 1st B-school cartoon had received during the event had made us decide to continue creating Arbit post MastishK’04. But we were unsure how to go about it. We knew, in spite of it’s popularity during MastishK’04, Arbit had just touched the tip of the iceberg. Arbit was yet to reach out to the vast majority of it’s target audience. We needed a vehicle to make that happen. Cartoon strips usually require a platform like a newspaper or a periodical journal, to reach out to it’s readers. Arbit had no such means. We had to come up with an innovative method to spread Arbit in the management fraternity.

Then one day, an idea struck us. We made a pdf containing all Arbit strips released during MastishK’04, put my and Hemant’s ids at the bottom, and sent the same to all our friends. This ignited the most mind-boggling chain reaction, one which is still going on and on for more than a year now, and one which has taken Arbit forwards to zillions of mailboxes across the globe. Through the appreciation mails that keep flooding our mailboxes, we are able to somewhat guage the far and wide places that our little forward has reached.

Although we subsequently launched the Arbit Choudhury yahoo group and website, that small Arbit forward sent more than a year back, is still the major driver behind Arbit’s overwhelming popularity.

This brings me to the unique marketing concept, which I call “Forward Marketing”. In today’s cyber-era, where the web is altering every known business paradigm, new and innovative net-marketing strategies have become the order of the day. With almost everyone having e-mail, forwards have become an inseparable part of our lives. It is this power of forwards which can be leveraged as a marketing weapon. Forwards are different from spam, in the sense that a forward comes to you from someone you know, whereas spam comes from an unknown source. This is the primary reason why spam marketing has failed. And this is exactly why forward marketing can succeed.

So, all you marketing professionals out there, if you have a great concept or product which needs to be marketed online, all you have to do is prepare a universally likable forward revolving around the product/concept you want to market, and just send it across to all our contacts. If you get lucky, you might be onto a very successful marketing campaign.

In the next edition of Kotler’s “Marketing Management”, we might just find a chapter titled “Forward Marketing”

Mind-Games !!

MastishK 2005- India’s Biggest Fully Online Business Challenge, organized by the management students of NITIE, Mumbai, has just concluded. This was the 2nd edition of MastishK. If MastishK 2004 was a hit (with 2500 registrations, and 17,500 hits from 21 countries), MastishK 2005 was a block-buster (with 5000 registrations, and 50,000 hits from 25 countries). As part of the core team which was involved with the initial conception of the event, I feel absolutely elated.

The idea of creating a fully online management games extravaganza, was the brain child of one man, Nikhil Kulkarni. Although, Hemant, me and several others joined in later, it was his initial vision that resulted in the birth of MastishK. During our initial steps, hardly anyone believed a novel idea like this would see the light of day. Their skepticism was valid too, since we were planning to do everything, from the conceptualization of the games, to writing the code and developing the website, inhouse. This was a Herculean task, never attempted before. But we had no alternative, as we had no money in our pockets to be able to outsource any part of our effort to an external agency. And no sponsor was willing to back such an untested concept. At times, even I has doubts about the viability of our efforts. But as they say, “Necessity is the mother of invention”. Not only did MastishK 2004 lift off, but it moved into stratosphere !

If in MastishK 2004, we faced the challenge of getting an innovative concept on the ground, in MastishK 2005, our juniors faced the challenge of taking it to the next level. After the success of MastishK 2004, they had to make sure that MastishK 2005 was an even bigger hit. They knew, if MastishK 2005 fails, there may not be any MastishK 2006 next year. But the roaring success of MastishK 2005 has not only ensured the event’s future, but also placed it as an important fixture in every B-school calendar.

Oday, my mind goes back to one of those early days, when we were in the process of coming up with an appropriate title for India’s 1st fully online management games event. Nikhil and Hemant, who had been rummaging through truckloads of exotic names in the net for over a week, had prepared an extensive list of the same. One night, the core team met to decide the final title. One by one, each name was discussed, and rejected. After exhausting the whole list, each of us decided to come up with ingenious titles of our own, in a last ditch attempt to find the most suitable one. Suddenly, someone amongst us blurted out, “Hey! How about ‘Mastishk’?” (I cannot recall who has the person who 1 suggested this. Was it me? Or KC? Or someone else? Nikhil, if you remember, let me know). All of us knew in an instant, we had got the title we wanted. Nikhil, Hemant and me spent the rest of the night designing the logo for the title. Soon, Hemant discovered the image of a human head, with gears rotating inside the brain, which was to become the proverbial ‘face’ of MastishK. Soon afterwards, Arbit Choudhury was born......

...... And the rest, as they say, is history !!

“Web”ster’s Dictionary

The web is completely altering the way humans do everything. Sometimes I wonder, is the web altering humans themselves?? Is the web, apart from changing the way we do things, also changing the way we think?? As part of a generation of “Web”sters, for whom the web is as indispensable a part of their lives as food, I wonder if the web is actually modifying our behavior, our attitudes, and our very nature itself.

But lets reserve the topic “Psychological Effects of the World Wide Web” for some PhD student. This post is about the 3 elements of the web, which have become an integral part of my life. I am sure most other “Web”sters will share my thoughts.

Mailboxes

The mailbox has become the primary way in which we stay in touch with people. I write more mails a day than I make telephone calls. I write mails to more people a day than I talk to. Our mailboxes are fast becoming our most important virtual possessions, containing information about everything we do, be it official or personal.

How many MBs of my Gmail mailbox am I currently using?? Just 587 MB.

Passwords

Can you count the number of different places you need to use passwords?? Bank accounts, ATMs, online subscriptions, mailboxes, everything requires a password. With the threat of online theft always lurking around, it is highly unsafe to use the same password everywhere. And greater the number of different passwords you have, greater is the chance of forgetting them every now and then. Nothing can be more annoying than forgetting a password when trying to access anything important online.

Without your password, you are nobody. Amnesia has become even deadlier now.

Blogs

One of the great fads of the 21st century is surely going to be Blogging. Blogs have truly taken freedom of speech to the next level, and given anyone who wants to express something, a public platform to do so. Blogs are destined to become great public-opinion builders of the future. Just like every computer literate person has a mailbox today, everyone may soon possess a blog of his own. And terms like “Blogophile”- a person who loves writing and reading blogs, might soon be introduced in the dictionary.

"The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that men will begin to think like computers." – Sidney J Harris

Past Perfect

I had once remarked to a friend, “I wish life had a rewind button.” Last week, when I was back in my hometown Bilaspur for Diwali, I felt that my wish had almost come true.

Some of the happiest memories of my childhood emanate from the CMD College cricket grounds in Bilaspur, where I used to play cricket with my school mates. The cricket freak that I was (and still am). Nothing gave me greater pleasure than laying some bat on ball, and pursuing little cricketing rivalries with friends. Sadly, those fantastic cricketing contests ended along with my school days. So, did my contacts with most of my school mates.

Arbit Choudhury has given me a lot over the last one year. But perhaps Arbit’s most important contribution in my life so far was been his role in reuniting me with my old school mates.

Few months back, I was most wonderfully surprised to receive e-mails from 3 of my long lost school mates (one working in Bangalore, another in Pune, and the third studying in the US). All of them had received Arbit Choudhury forwards from somewhere, and remembered their old time buddy. I also got to know about the existence of a yahoo group, through which many of my school mates used to stay in touch with each other. Through this group, I was able to get in touch of many of my old pals, whom I had not seen for more than 7 years.

So, there we were again, same set of guys, enjoying the same game, as the same place, 7 years on. I soon realized, not much had changed, apart from our receding hairlines that is. We were still pulling each others legs, still fighting over each umpiring decision, and still doing wild jigs on winning.

As all of us retreated after the game, we resolved to be back at the cricket field the next time all of us are in Bilaspur. But I knew inside, this was a day unlikely to ever be repeated. Rarely, if ever, does one get a chance to relive the good times in his past. So, when you do get such a chance, you might as well enjoy it to the fullest.

Unshutdownable !!

I am not a movie-buff. I rarely watch Hindi movies. Just cannot digest the same old romantic and sentimental concoctions being rehashed in new packages. But there are a few Hindi movies, which I have simply loved watching, and can watch them over and over again. If these movies have something in common, it is the uniqueness of their storylines, and their unforgettable music. Each of them occupy a permanent slot in the all-time greats of Indian cinema.

Here is a list of my 5 favorite Hindi movies—

5. Jewel Thief –

Arguably the best suspense thriller in Hindi movie history, Jewel Thief had just about everything, a gripping plot, an unlikely villain, wonderful locales, and glorious music. And the climax song, “Hoton pe aisi baat main dabake chali aayi”, with it’s minute long dance sequences, which make it one of the most well choreographed songs of all time, just takes your breath away.

4. Guide –

Another masterpiece from Vijay and Dev Anand, Guide was a movie way ahead of it’s time. It was probably the 1st Hindi movie to portray an adulterous extra-marital relationship. Filled with S.D. Burman’s immortal music, an unusual storyline, and Dev Anand’s performance of a lifetime, Guide is simply “Unshutdownable”

3. Lagaan –

What concept! What execution! Lagaan is like the “Geeta” of film making. There is something to be learnt from each and every aspect of the movie, for audiences and film-makers alike. Not surprisingly, the movie has now become part of many management courses.

2. Sholey –

A sure-shot contender for the “Greatest-Hindi-Movie-of-All-Time” award, Sholey had nothing usual about it. A retired police officer hiring 2 small time criminals to battle a dacoit, hardly seems to be a formula for a hit film, in an industry where romance and sentiments rule the roost.

Sholey redefined Hindi movie storylines for more than a decade to come.

1. Anand –

I doubt if anyone watching the movie for the 1st time, has come out without a lump in his throat. But the beauty of this film lies not in the fact that it makes you laugh or cry, but that it makes you laugh and cry at the same time. The touching story of a man who has only 6 months to live, but lives like the happiest man on the planet, forces each one of us to re-evaluate the way we lead our lives. Undoubtedly, this is Hrishikesh Mukherji’s best work. The fact that Bengalis all over the country came to be called “Babu Moshai” for years to come, is a testimony to the enormous popularity of the movie.

To end this post, here is a dialogue from the movie Anand, which imbibes the movie’s central theme, as well as carries a message for all of us.

“Babu Moshai! Zindagi lambi nahi, badi honi chahiye!”

P.S.:- Here is a list of "25 Must See Bollywood Movies" from India Times

Mes Viles: My Cities

Well Nikhil, there you go. Here is my take on the cities were I have spent my days.

Bilaspur (1981-1999)

Perhaps the only thing this small town was known for till the early 1980’s was it’s Railway Station. Bilaspur Junction is one of the oldest Railway Stations in the country, established way back in 1885. In the early part of the 20th century, Bilaspur used to be the only stop between Jamshedpur and Nagpur, on the Howrah-Mumbai rail route.

Rantanpur- the ancient capital of Chattisgarh (which literally means 36 forts), is situated a short distance away from Bilaspur. The city of Bilaspur lies at the very heart of the Chattisgarh region, and probably has the largest percentage of native Chattisgarhi people, as compared to other big cities like Raipur and Bhilai. The city has grown rapidly over the last 20 years, and is now the 2nd most important city in the state of Chattisgarh, after Raipur (the capital), and houses the State High Court.

On a personal note, I like this city because it is one of the quietest places in the country, never witnessing any disturbance. As far as my memory goes, no floods, no earthquakes, no famines, no riots have ever hit the place.

Bhilai (1999-2003)

Bhilai, the industrial capital of Chattisgarh, probably has the highest percentage of professionals and non-chattisgarhi people in the state. And this shows in the culture of the palce as well.

Apart from the “world renowned” Bhilai Steel Plant, Bhilai is also famous in the student community for producing truckloads of IITans every year. I guess the quality and discipline of the educational institutions in this city also makes it the educational capital of the State.

What did I like most about Bhilai?? The well planed architecture of the place, and the wide open roads.

Mumbai (2003-2005)

What can one say about the place, which has not been said before. Anyway, here are some of my reflections on life in this mega-city, that I had jotted down sometime back.

Hyderabad (2005-2???)

A city with great cultural heritage and historical importance, Hyderabad today is in a state of metamorphosis. The IT tsunami is gorging the city. The juggernaut kicked off by Chandrababu Naidu, is well on the way of taking Hyderabad to the place Bangalore occupies in the IT landscape. But one can easily foresee Hyderabad inheriting most of Bangalore’s problems as well. If serious infrastructure upgradation projects are not undertaken in the immediate future, the city is bound to crumble under pressure. “Hyderabad is another Bangalore waiting to happen” in every sense of the word.

What do I love most about Hyderabad?? Non-Veg Food ofcourse!! After all, in which other place in the world can you find dishes as exotic as Non-Veg Dosa!!

Kahani Puri Filmy Hai !!

Whenever I watch a romantic flick, I wonder if such stuff can happen in real life, or is all that too outlandish to be true. Today, I recall the most “filmy” love story I have witnessed in my life, one which could easily become the next Yash Chopra blockbuster.

This happened when I was in College (Don’t all love stories happen there?). There was this friend of mine, tall, fair, drop-dead handsome. And if all that was not enough, he was damn good at studies too. He was the kind of guy who could bowl over any girl, any time. But his introvert nature went against his macho good looks. He would prefer to spend his leisure time on the cricket field, rather that hanging around with girls.

Then one day, (like in any Hindi movie), the love bug finally bit our hero. He was bowled over by another girl in his class. They had a lot in common. She too was drop dead gorgeous, and pretty good at studies. She too wanted to pursue higher studies in the US like him. The only difference was the fact that, while he was a “Punjab da Puttar”, she was a Tamilian Brahmin. Soon, our hero proposed to her. It was an offer she could not refuse.

Soon, the couple became the Dharmendra-Hema Malini of our college. They formed a perfect pair. The 2 most good looking and intelligent people in campus were together. This invited a loads of jealousy from various corners as well. Many said, now that the 2 had lost their bearings in love, their academics would suffer, and their grades would drop. Such ill-wishers were in for a nasty surprise. As their affair began to blossom, both stated doing even better in studies.

Life had never been so good….

Interval

(Enough of mushy stuff?? Want some tear-jerking emotions?? Read on..)

Soon, it was time for both of them to appear for GRE. She appeared 1st, and cleared the exam with flying colours. It was his turn now. But (like any standard twist of fate in a Hindi film), he flunked. For the next few months, he was a distraught man, trying in vain to overcome his failure. During all this, their relationship slowly drifted apart as well.

Suddenly one day, I noticed that our hero had stopped shaving. He had started playing “Tadap tadap ke is dil se aah nikalti rahi” on his comp in full blast all day. Every evening, he would come to me and say, “Dost! Koi senti gana suna..”. Sometimes, he would utter philosophically, “Dost! Why am I doing all this?? What is the meaning of life?? I feel like quitting studies and running off to the Himalayas..”

“OK!! So they have broken off!!” I said to myself. If this is what love gets you into, I am happy sitting in the pavilion.

I never quite came to know the real reason for their break-up. The most common theory floating around the campus was that the girl’s family (who were highly educated and conservative) had veto-ed the relationship, since he came form a business background, and belonged to a different caste. Cynics believed she had broken-off with him since he had flunked in GRE, and hence was no longer worthy of her.

Now what could be the next twist in the storyline of a typical Bollywood potboiler?? The hero would slowly overcome his grief, and begin to work hard. He would appear for GRE again, and clear it with flying colors. Right? Yes, that’s exactly what happened. Our hero got 2nd time lucky and cracked GRE big time.

Climax

It was the final day of college. The farewell party was on in full swing. The heroine comes back to speak to the hero. She tell him, how sorry she was for breaking up with him, how she had suffered all these days, and how eagerly she wanted to re-start their relationship.

But now, it was the turn of our hero, who valued his honour more than anything else, to refuse her offer. He tells her, “You broke off with me after I failed, and have come back after I have succeeded. I am not accusing you of anything, nor am I questioning your intensions. But my heart does not allow me to say “Yes” to you.”

And he walks away.

That was the last time they met. From that day, both of them moved along different paths in their lives. While she went off to the US, he decided to pursue M.Tech. in India.

And they lived happily ever after……

The End.

(Hey! After reading this post, if anyone is thinking of making a movie on it, I WANT MY ROYALTY!!!!!)